Kuhlers Nation

New Site

kuhlers — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:55:30 +0000

The site has moved to http://www.kuhlersnation.com.

Injury Report

kuhlers — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 17:10:25 +0000

It has been a week and a half since I completed my first triathlon, I took a week off to recover before the Music City Triathlon that is on July 26th. My training has been mostly injury free, I have had some soreness but no sharp pains through my body. The actual triathlon was one big shooting pain. Today I experienced my first training injury, a minor tweek to a hamstring, but still enough to make me stop. I would like to say it happened while running 10 miles or biking 40 miles uphill, but it actually happened in my kitchen…..while I was making my 7 eggs for breakfast……dancing……to Michael Jackson. Sarah went running so I was alone to work on my moves. One second I’m cracking open eggs and then the next second I have a baseball cap tilted down on my head, I was ready for action. The only thing I was missing was a rubber glove on my right hand. I really felt like I was working it this time, my motions were smooth, I was working the hat and even slung it into the dining room at one point and then came the injury. I went for the classic leg kick. First of all I almost kicked the handle of the pan that were holding my eggs. The velocity of my leg whip would of sent my eggs into the ceiling. I felt a little pain in my leg but I still had enough in me to finish off the dance and do the weird tippy toe thing, point to the sky and scream. Don’t worry ,the injury is not career threatening, I ll be back out there throwing up on runs and having near death experiences in no time.

1 Down

kuhlers — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:23:58 +0000

I am a little late for this post but I spent the past 4 days looking for my hamstring and relearning how to walk. Well I finished the race, in a very slow time, limping and cramping up at the finish line. There were multiple points in the race that I actually said to myself “this is the stupidest thing I have ever done.” Here is a quick rundown of the race. Before the swim start they lined us up by our race numbers to do a shotgun swim start. We would walk up to the line, wait 5 seconds or so then take off into the water. When they called my number my stomach was in my throat, the butterflies were working hard. I took off into the water in a sprint because that is what I saw on youtube watching the Ironman competition. That was bad idea number 1. Bad idea number 2 was not getting somewhat adjusted to the water and catching my breath. I was busting out Michael Phelps freestyle strokes within 1.4 seconds of my number being called. 4 seconds later I forgot how to swim and breathe. My heart rate hit 575 and really thought I was going to have to get pulled out of the water. I was doing all sorts of new strokes just trying to find a way to relax and get focused. After 80 meters of flopping in the water I knew I needed to come up with another plan if I planned on finishing the 400 meters. This is embarrassing to say but I’m going for it. I swam to a kayak of the person overseeing the race and grabbed on to that sucker. He asked me if I was ok, and I replied with a “oh sure I m fine, my goggles are screwing up.” I felt like a good lie is what I needed to use to avoid getting laughed at in my first triathlon. It would of been almost as embarrassing as having to grab a kayak to avoid drowning. Those 2 minutes of “fixing my goggles” is what I needed though, I caught my breath and actually finished the last 300 meters faster than I finished the first 100. The run portion of the race was uneventful, I couldn’t feel my legs at any point. The chain on my bike did pop off at one point so I had to work on that for a bit. I tried to look annoyed working on my bike when other people would pass me but I was really thrilled I got to stop peddling. I lost feeling in my hamstring during the bike portion as well. So put all of this together and you have a man with a hobble/limp/nausea crossing the finish line. I have a ton of respect for people that do this or anybody who is considering to do this. It was physically the hardest thing I have ever done. Next up is the Music City Triathlon. July 27th.

Race Day Thoughts

kuhlers — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:22:46 +0000

Tomorrow is the big day. The race is the Old Hickory Triathlon and it consists of a 400 yard swim, 12.5 bike, and 3 mile run. The last 6 weeks of training have been interesting to say the least. I have drank eggs, drank raw liver, swam into a ladder, threw up raspberries running in Iowa, and almost drowned multiple times. I have no idea how I will do tomorrow, that isn’t really the point anymore. The fact is that I’ll be there at 6:30 in the morning, probably completely out of place, ready to compete. I have found that I talk about doing things a whole lot more than I actually do them. I will spend hours staring at a wall thinking of the ideas then spend the same amount of hours talking myself out of them. They might have to pull me out of that lake tomorrow, but it won’t be because I didn’t try. I have just made the decision to get into the game and get off the sidelines. I know I am not some “endurance athlete” and God knows I don’t need to wear spandex, ever. This is about the challenge and becoming a better person from it. If there is something out there that you want to accomplish or a challenge you want to face, its time to do it. Let me know what it is and I ll even do it with you.

Patrick

Part III

kuhlers — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:21:32 +0000

This is the third and final installment in the people smashing into things series. In Part I we had head butt sailor woman, in Part II we had Pepper boy , and Part III features a guy named Patrick. This incident happened at the same place as Part I. I was putting in another session of “trying to learn how to swim before Saturday” and had been cruising along for a good 45 minutes. I was swimming in the last lane against the the wall of the pool and for some reason I have the tendency to hug the left side of the lane, when I turn to breathe my mouth is either 2 inches from the lane divider or in this particular case the wall. On this particular lap I really felt like I was moving, I was saying encouraging things to myself to fire me up like, “Michael Phelps couldn’t do this” or, ” I feel like a fish.” and so forth. I was fired up. Also, and this is important, there is a ladder in the direction that I am heading, on the left side of the pool, the only way a human could smash head first into that ladder was if they were hugging the left side of the pool and maybe showing a little to much enthusiasm. I felt like I met the criteria for this ladder smash. I do hug the left side of the pool and I did refer to myself as a fish, which shows enthusiasm. Two seconds later I smashed the ladder, head first, the “what in the crap just happened” look followed right after. Saying I was stunned would be an understatement. I would like to say I shook it off, gathered myself and swam the final 5 feet to the wall, but that did not happen. I went into the fairy stroke. Instead of grabbing the wall, I flapped my arms up and down like I was a fairy. Not really moving one way or the other, just flapping. I think my goal was to explode out of the water like a rocket ship. After 10 seconds of that I turned and grabbed the wall. I am pretty sure people noticed, skull on metal is loud, and after my freaking out stroke I made a wave pool so small children were being tossed out of the water because of me. So this concludes the people smashing into things series. Check back tomorrow, with Saturday being the first race I ll give a sneak preview of what will happen to me.

Patrick

10 Day Countdown

kuhlers — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:34:03 +0000

I have been away from the blogging world for the past week. We drove to Iowa and spent a week with my Grandma. We had a good time and ate a lot of great food. I’ll post more on that trip later.

The first triathlon is 10 days away. I am officially signed up and sorta ready to go. This triathlon has a weight division for people over 200 lbs called Clydesdales. So from this point on I will be known as Clydesdale Kuhlers. During the last 5 weeks of training I actually had the thought that I would be able to lose a few pounds and get in better shape, that was a false statement on my part. I have actually gained 16 pounds. I weigh 246. Unbelievable. Its really weird though because I have lost an inch on my waist and my I am wearing the same clothes I wore when I was 22. I can run and swim farther now than ever before but somehow I have managed to gain a small child. I think I am over eating. I’ll go and workout for a couple of hours and then go eat 2 footlongs from Subway, is that overeating? Also, did you know that Subway has 5 dollar footlongs? Anyway, I have put myself on a strict 10 day diet. It consists of a eggs, beans, and fish. If I gain weight during the next 10 days I will switch back to my old eating plan of hotdogs, zingers, and gummy bears. Here is a look at the new plan.

Grand Ole Opry

kuhlers — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:49:54 +0000

We went to the Grand Ole Opry last night. Charlie Daniels, Trace Adkins, and Carrie Underwood were all there. Here are a few of my thoughts from the show and then there are a couple minutes of video. First of all, in my opinion Charlie Daniels stole the show. We have all heard “Devil went down to Georgia” but hearing it live was unbelievable. I was standing there and actually said to myself, “He is going bananas on that fiddle.” I then got my camera and recorded part of the video. It’s the second one below. The other thing I learned from last night is that Carrie Underwood’s first love is not country music, its actually hip hop. If you watch the video you can see that she has an arsenal of hip hop moves. I actually thought it was funny to see this cute little country music superstar trying to get krizunk in the dizzle fizzle. Whatever that means. So, if you ever see an interview with Carrie Underwood and she is talking about her musical inspirations pay close attention. If she says Reba or Randy Travis she is lying to your face. Her inspiration comes from Biggie Smalls, Master P, and the guy that tells us to take off our shirt and wave it around like a helicopter. Seriously though, it was a great show. The clips aren’t the best quality and are only portions of the songs. Let me know if you think my Carrie Underwood Hip Hop theory and my Charlie Daniels is awesome theory is correct.

Peppers Peppers Peppers

kuhlers — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:47:05 +0000

Before I start I want to take a minute to talk about what is going on here at www.kuhlers.wordpress.com. I am in the process of doing a overhaul to the site. I have been doing this for a month and figure thats plenty of time for a complete upgrade. I am trying to get some different features on this thing just to make it a little more user friendly. Places for videos, flickr (whatever that is), and twitter (whatever that is). With the first race coming up in a few weeks it would be a shame to not have video and a picture of the ambulance that carries me away. So be patient with me for a bit, once the final product is up I will guarantee it will be the best website on the internet about a fat guy running.

Now its story time. This story is along the same lines as my previous story. It does involve somebody getting hit by something. This time I was actually at the center of the problem. I’m going to cut to the chase, I drilled an 8 year old with a grocery cart. Here is what happened. I was at the local grocery store here in East Nashville shopping for some produce. My cart was running parallel with the produce section and there was about 2 feet in between my cart and the fruits and veggies. I’m standing there staring at some oranges and a kid comes running through screaming “peppers, peppers, peppers!” I thought it was hilarious even though he almost hit me and my cart and broke my concentration while trying to decide which orange to buy. I even thought it was hilarious the second time he did it. I even laughed the third and fourth time he did it. The fifth time I started to get a little annoyed. I was sicking of hearing peppers, peppers, peppers, and I was tired of having to move out of the way cause the snotty nosed kid wanted to thread the needle between my cart, me and the produce. After the sixth time I was switching to offensive mode. I was going to make his next run a difficult one. I came up with my plan and got ready for my strike. I saw the kid start heading my way and I heard the battle cry that let me know this was for real, peppers, peppers, peppers. As the kid came running by me, I grabbed my cart and turned it towards the aisle. Instead of the 2 feet in between cart and aisle he was left with about 6 inches. I wasn’t trying to hit him, I just wanted him to work a bit harder for this one. I was expecting him to turn his body sideways and slide on through but he didn’t turn his body, and he didn’t slide on through. If you can picture a linebacker hitting a quarterback without the quarterback actually knowing what was about to happen is the best way to describe the collision. His head went one way and his body went the other way. His body eventually ended up on top of some corn. I said I was sorry and helped him out of the corn and back on his feet. He wasn’t hurt, but he did look stunned. The moral of this story is don’t mess with people when they are trying to buy fruit.

Patrick

Bill Dance

kuhlers — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:51:36 +0000

This should give you a big laugh on a Friday.

Go to Youtube and do a search for Bill Dance for more. I passed out from laughter at one point.

237

kuhlers — Tue, 26 May 2009 22:29:34 +0000

This is me according to the Nintendo Wii Fit. I apparently weigh 237 pounds and have the shape of Pluto. I have made it clear that I need to lose a few pounds and I am out of shape, but I don’t look like a beach ball. I have actually lifted weights before and would say I have a larger frame, but the stupid Wii didn’t ask for frame size. I am even going to take this one step further. Lets say there was a professional Red Rover Red Rover League. I actually think I would be a top 3 draft pick. With my size, cat like reflexes, gazelle like speed, and wolverine like instincts I would make it very uncomfortable for who ever was waiting on the other side of the Red Rover Arena.

I can handle my brother calling me a whale, but when electronics start telling me that I need to lose 85 pounds to be in the “normal” zone I draw the line.